This year’s A-to-Z challenge posts have a special place in my heart. Inspired by Lizzy Rogers who blogs at Considerings and Yvonne Spence, #1000speak initiative, I have written all these posts from my heart (no brain involved). I penned what my weak heart thinks about life,I have been writing what my heart persisted me to.
The 20th of every month, is the #1000speak post day. This aims to create an impact, no matter how miniscule. Today’s post, being the 20th of April, is in conjunction with A-to-Z challenge.
The earth is spinning faster, rushing to complete the revolution. It wants to get closer to the sun, as close as possible. To soak in as much light as possible, to shine bright, brighter. And the world obeys, imitates the earth, doing exactly what she wants to do. Spin, rush, run, scream, faster, fastest.
The world recognizes the definition of a perfect human in terms of skills and traits which are loud enough to shout for themselves, because the world doesn't want to see what it cannot hear. The pied piper without a flute, wouldn't have enticed the children outside their village. So what happens to those, who do not have a pipe? Or what happens to those who are not Martin Luther King Jr., to give historical speeches amidst a sea of men and women? What happens to those who do not have a Julia Roberts smile?
Well, maybe it’s not necessary have a pipe, maybe it’s not essential to be an orator, social butterfly, or have a pretty face. Maybe it’s not just about enticing others? How about, for once, enticing yourself? How about getting intrigued by our fascinating self? How about identifying yourself, instead of running the rat race, depriving your body and soul of its desires?
“Who am I?”, is a question I have been asking myself since a few months, ever since I realized I was nearing an emotional dead-end. My body was tired of pleasing the world around me. Trying hard to be what I do not want to be, was draining me. The body craving to be itself, the soul bent with the burden of expectations of the society, my heart was sinking. That was the time I had forgotten about myself. My existence was for others around me. Trust me, I failed miserably in pleasing others. Trying 200%, and still loosing on all grounds. Disheartened and lonely. In a eureka moment, I took the hairpin bent. My heart suddenly woke up, groggy eyed. It couldn't connect with my mind. So couldn't my mind. Many weeks were spent to a total disconnect. A disregarded body and neglected soul needed nurturing. A nourishment of sorts, a patronage which could be provided by my own mind. So I began. My family and my diary are my best friends (ofcourse my books are my soulmates).
To nurture my own self, is worshiping the Lord, for he created us not to be dumped. We are his form, his children. Nurturing your body, mind and soul is like worshipping the Lord almighty. In this process of self realization, a friend of mine helped me identify, that I am an introvert by birth. She helped me nurture this untapped part of my behavior. I realized I love to be quiet, in solitude, and I love spending time with myself. I am more of listener. I speak less, even though I have my own viewpoints. It was hard to chew. Boast alert - I have been a cabinet minister in school, one of the popular ones in college, a very social and affable colleague part of CSR initiatives, and fun clubs at work. Introvert? Nah!! And then I read “Quiet” by Susan Cain. Introvert isn't being shy after all. I match 90% traits with the introvert psychology type.
Here, I list down 5 things which flutter my quiet heart, for these, I will skip my meals, and go sleepless. For these neither I get tired, nor fretful. These makes me content and at peace with myself. These give my solitude loving self, respite from the pressures of expectations.
Sleep, read books, watch talk shows or follow music -
When I want to.
We, the lowly human bind ourselves by constraints - of time, of pressure, of money. With the multitude of responsibilities which we bear, we find it hard to find time for ourselves. I tried listening to my heart. I nurture it like my baby. When it says its time for some read, I obey. Like it is now. And if it says, let the music begin, so I begin. Simple obedience flutters my heart, and it chuckles like a baby. I satiate my brain by absorbing information, as much as I wish to.
Cooking - learning new techniques.
This, in me, is a newly found heart-flutter ignition. I love to cook, and discover new ways to cooking, learning on the go. It is by sheer coincidence, that I share this penchant with my husband and by son. All cookery shows, and the cooking experiments are always a hit at my home. This point is a group nurturing event. We nurture each other - my husband, my son and myself. My heart giggles at the mere thought of freshly baked brownies, or a dal tadka. Cooking vegetables in contemporary styles, bringing about info western touch to the dishes is my favorite. As I type this, I recall the days when I used to cook for others, tried to copy recipes step by step, and fail in creating the magic. Maybe the food was tasteless, or maybe the magic was suppressed.
Guilt free time for myself, all alone
Taking long walks with myself, hitting the gym, or sitting on the small Stockholm city beaches - they were luxuries for me. Not anymore. I own my time. I nurture my body and soul. It is my duty to spare moments of togetherness with myself, just like it do it with my family, and friends. I eliminated the guilt. Trust me, it wasn't easy. It is an art, someday I will be able to decipher how and when I learnt it. I have moulded my mind to be carefree. To bear no pressures from the society, whatsoever.
Socialize and communicate with whom, how and when I want to.
The fact that I identify myself as an introvert, clarifies that it is not a disorder that I get bored easily, and I have less content to talk, but tons to write. Chatting is the easiest mode of communication for me. (whatsapp is a blessing for me, long live the app). The decision says - I cannot be the best, for I am not god. Majority of the pie will not like me. So my task is to identify to whom I matter. And once that is done, it gets easy.
Demarcating Yes and No
A yes, when your heart says a no, is poison. You loose oxygen when your heart and mind run in opposite directions. My manager made me ponder when, where and how to say a yes, and when, very promptly, say a no. I hope he doesn't regret his teachings, for I say the most “NOs” to him. He nurtured this in me. I tally my mind with my heart, and at both professional and personal level, I decide my take.
Nurturing myself is bringing me much needed peace. I now realize how parched I was, like a caked piece of land. The saplings are in place, they will grow. And one day, they will provide shade to others who will be thirsty, reaching a dead-end. And the shade will nurture them back to their real self.
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on
"NURTURING THE QUIET ME"
Visit my fellow bloggers to read more about #1000speak and #AtoZchallenge posts
Roshni who blogs at Indian American Mom
Roshan who blogs at God years
Jen who blogs at driftwood-gardens
