Sunday, May 3, 2015

This or that - a fool's story

As a rule, man is a fool. He wants cold when it is hot, and hot when it is cold! 

I am not sure which intelligent soul set this bang on theory. I heard about it when I was in school, on the verge of deciding my major. Never did it cross my mind that my life will be stuck around this theory day and night, year after year. 

It was a bright and sunny day today. Stockholm waits for this kind of weather since previous year's November. And it is finally here - out of the darkness, when you go to work in dark, and come back in dark. The only time you can see what is next to your building is for a couple if hours during the day, when you are engrossed in the zillions of tasks at hand at the office desk. Anyways, coming back to the sun, Vihaan and I got ready, all ecstatic and vibrant, to go running. the plan was run/ skateboard to the park, and have ice cream while watching the ducks at the lakeside. We implemented the whole plan. 

While coming back, as intuition struck, I bought a strong sunscreen, the one with 50+ SPF. I reached home, with red neck, and red arms, itching, scratching, highly irritated. It had come back, again this year - "the sun allergy". Rubbed a thick layer of soothing calamine lotion, while thinking about penning this down. I remember the doctors asking me before prescribing medicines - "kisi cheez se allergy yaad kijiye" (are you allergic to something?). 
So I want the winters back now, so that I can safeguard my skin from my nails, they have already bruised some skin. 

Referring to the above theory, another totally unexpected incident goes like this. I recently bought my domain name, and moved from blogger to wordpress. You are right, I am still working on blogger. Read on. I got it done professionally. After spending quite a lot of mullahs, I am totally dissatisfied with the new site, new theme, new widgets, new concept, everything. The team did a fantastic job, exactly as per my requirements. Alas, as a rule, I am a fool, I want hot when it is cold, and cold when it is hot! 

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Zenith as I dream #ATOZCHALLENGE #1000SPEAK

A cleaner greener earth
Love will have no dearth
Crystal blue gushing water
Twinkling stars and your laughter!

One religion, being human
Race, caste all ties undone
Thoughts, actions and joy realm
The zenith as I dream!

This post is written as the twenty sixth and ultimate in the series of AtoZ challenge and a part of #1000speak
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Happiness Yonder #ATOZCHALLENGE

Its dark
my foot sinks as I cross the marsh
there's a thorny bush to hold
disheveled hair and the wind is cold

With bruised arms and caked feet
I search for the red groundsheet
there's a blinkering flame in dark
as I sight the neon mark

Moonlit sand sparkle and shine
Waves kiss them, say you are mine
Dancing eyes beyond wander 
all I see is happiness yonder
all I see is happiness yonder

This post is written as the twenty fourth in the series of AtoZ challenge and a part of #1000speak
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on
"Happiness Yonder"

Tuesday, April 28, 2015


The world makes me Xenon
yet invincible! 

This post is written as the twenty fourth in the series of AtoZ challenge and a part of #1000speak
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on
"Being Xenon"

Monday, April 27, 2015


Yesterday, I started reading the wonderful book by Murakami – “What I talk about when I talk about running”. I had picked the book in haste from the neighboring bookstore, while my son was busy selecting posters of footballers. Buying books is my weakness. Many of them are resting on the wooden shelves, waiting to be read. Their time will come, soon.

Besides a penchant for buying, I love to walk. I can go for walks at any hour of the day. Last evening I went at 9pm. Just felt like it. The whiff of fresh air, along the Långholmen beach, a few meters from my home, soothes my soul. If the weather is suitable, it works wonders on my mind. 

The clean green grass, the glistening sand below my feet, and the waters quietly splashing on the shores, as if teasing the grains to swim away into the vast oceans – all this leaves me mesmerized. The world is indeed a beautiful place. The nature’s reserves cannot be contained by the man-made political boundaries. Besides, there is no measure for nature’s beauty. The majestic Himalayas, aurora borealis in Lapland, the fjords of Norway, the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, the penguins in Antarctica, the sand dunes in Africa, the grasslands of South America – I am sure you are with me when I say the list is endless? 

God must have painstakingly created the earth – carved the plateaus, molded the mountains, and filled in the oceans with crystal clear waters. And then left it on us to cherish, nourish and enjoy, to walk, to run. But then the super intelligent mankind created some boundaries. Countries were born. Countries are divided, more countries are born. Along with these, as we have discussed in the series of A to Z posts, religions propagated, and castes perforated humankind.

While walking along the water last evening, my thoughts wandered across to the countries, where nights are not as peaceful, days are not as happy. Where human beings have no freedom, they lead a life of misery. The countries which are war-zones, declared as battlefields, for the political leaders of the world, for the terrorists who rape, behead and murder in the name of religion. Where they crawl to hide their bodies from the human hawk’s eyes.

One day, I will visit these people, the beautiful countries, lost in war, where they once celebrated a festival called life. One day, I will walk on their shores, feel the grains of sand, under my feet, the water kissing my feet, the vast expanse of the ocean which once witnessed a bomb blast, which killed the beach walkers, never to return home.

This post is written as the twenty third in the series of AtoZ challenge and a part of #1000speak
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on
"Walking in the war-zone"

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Virtue of prayers #ATOZCHALLENGE #1000SPEAK

As I write this, somewhere in the world, a few thousand kilometers away, a young boy is half buried deep in rubble. His body is covered with dust and cement. He is not sure whether his body below the waist is mobile or not, for he cannot feel his lower limbs. His arms are fractured, he can feel the pain (atleast his arms are not paralysed). His throat is parched, with sand and sawdust. A few minutes back, he was building a wooden doll house for his little sister.  His sister maybe lying under the rubble, too deep to be rescued, ever. 


A natural calamity devastates the country, the city, the village, the houses, the surroundings. They are rebuilt. Aids fly from all countries. The relief funds pour in money - dollars, euros, rupees. But none can find the young boys little girl, who, ran around the small kitchen garden singing the latest bollywood song, while her brother was sawing the wood plank.  

20 alphabets down in this AtoZ Challenge, I had thought of injecting more positivity in my posts. But the earthquake in Nepal shook me. The tremors were felt till New Delhi, where my parents live. Sitting thousand of kilometers away, I feel helpless. I can never be with them when they need me, in real time. What do I have, except my prayers.  I believe in the virtue of prayers, for me God exists. He is watching me and you. So I trust him.   

So dear Lord, as I lay my faith in you
And believe you to be true
Fathom the super power
And bow my head lower
Mom says prayers if pure
Heal and cure
So deal Lord show me today
My soul searches, what does it say
Show me that you care
Plead the virtue of my prayer

This post is written as the twenty second in the series of AtoZ challenge and a part of #1000speak
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on
"Virtue of prayers"

Friday, April 24, 2015

Utopia within #ATOZCHALLENGE #1000SPEAK

Unravel, unleash, untangle
the utopia within

The green peepel leaf, 
when it lets the rain drop slip off and drip
the clay pot is now full of water,
The utopia within

The little boy to mesmerized, 
listens to his English teacher intent, 
soaking in all the Wordsworth words
the lessons well learnt
The utopia within

The moment you see her staring at the stars, 
her innocence makes you skip a beat
the pure heart as it beats faster
The utopia within

We, you and me,
inner peace lies within me
I feel my kind heart, the avalanche of love unfurls
and wraps me around
The utopia within

Unraveled, unleashed, untangled! 

This post is written as the twenty first in the series of AtoZ challenge and a part of #1000speak
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on
"Utopia within us"

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Toothless smiles and twinkling eyes #ATOZCHALLENGE #1000SPEAK

For these toothless smiles
And the precious little heart
For those twinkling eyes
We will give it a start

We will bake a cake
Whisk the ingredients till they fluff 
Stir out the hidden human 
Sprinkle with a dash of love

To this add some flavour  
Mix compassion as essence
See the cake rise
Witness the luminescence 

This post is written as the twentieth in the series of AtoZ challenge and a part of #1000speak
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on
my son's vivid "toothless smiles" 

Wednesday, April 22, 2015


I am dark, yes, I am
I am fat, yes, I am
I am unattractive, yes I am
But I am human, yes I am

My knee hurts, yes it does
My back aches, yes it does
My eyesight is weak, yes it is
But my heart is happy, yes it is

I can't talk, no I can't
I can't run, no I can't
I can't play, no I can't
But I can't hurt, no I can't

I am not flawless, I am not
I am not perfect, I am not
I am not unblemished, I am not
But myself is what I want

This post is written as the nineteenth in the series of AtoZ challenge and a part of #1000speak
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Racism - The Ignorant India #ATOZCHALLENGE #1000SPEAK

It should not come as a surprise, if you ask an Indian, which race he belongs to, and he doesn't know. He will tell you his caste instead. Or better still, their statehood (Delhite, Bihari, Kashmiri). Some of the respondents may feel offended, and they will gawk back at you - after all you are asking him/her about the skin color. Yes, in India, the most common interpretation of the word "race" is as skin color. 

Race is a biological differentiation of human being on the basis of their appearance. In more scientific words, it is the classification of populations into groups based on phenotypical traits. These variations have been observed based on geographical ancestry. Factually, there are three main races in India - Aryans, Dravidians and Mongoloids. There are various theories of their origins, and possible genetic variations. Different ethnographers have a different classification - some list down seven coexisting races in India. Because "race" is a biological phenomenon, it undergoes transitions after race mixing (inter racial reproduction). Therefore, no clear demarcation exists. 

In the modern world, race has become a basis of severe discrimination. Therefore, "race" is being replaced by "ethnicity", though merely changing the nomenclature will not change the mindsets. Coming back to the modern day India, discrimination on the basis of physical appearance is fairly common, and quite pronounced. Few of the most common basis of bias include skin color - fair skin versus dark skin bigotry is quite prominent. For centuries, Indian women have been imbibed with the fact that white skin is directly proportional to beauty, and hence to love. This has spread to men as well. India is one of the largest growing market of skin lightening creams - men and women both. 

Please note the change in facial expression as the skin color lightens

Among other common discernment based on physical appearance are size of the eyes (people with smaller eyes are ridiculed, naming them "chinky"), height, weight, hair color, etcetra. Noticeable is that many of these traits overlap with the variations in the races, even though the common Indian man doesn't identify his own race. 

This post is written as the eighteenth in the series of AtoZ challenge and a part of #1000speak
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on

Monday, April 20, 2015

Nurturing the quiet me #1000speak #AtoZChallenge

This year’s A-to-Z challenge posts have a special place in my heart. Inspired by Lizzy Rogers who blogs at Considerings and Yvonne Spence, #1000speak initiative, I have written all these posts from my heart (no brain involved). I penned what my weak heart thinks about life,I have been writing what my heart persisted me to. 

The 20th of every month, is the #1000speak post day. This aims to create an impact, no matter how miniscule. Today’s post, being the 20th of April, is in conjunction with A-to-Z challenge. 

The earth is spinning faster, rushing to complete the revolution. It wants to get closer to the sun, as close as possible. To soak in as much light as possible, to shine bright, brighter. And the world obeys, imitates the earth, doing exactly what she wants to do. Spin, rush, run, scream, faster, fastest. 

The world recognizes the definition of a perfect human in terms of skills and traits which are loud enough to shout for themselves, because the world doesn't want to see what it cannot hear. The pied piper without a flute, wouldn't have enticed the children outside their village. So what happens to those, who do not have a pipe? Or what happens to those who are not Martin Luther King Jr., to give historical speeches amidst a sea of men and women? What happens to those who do not have a Julia Roberts smile?  

Well, maybe it’s not necessary have a pipe, maybe it’s not essential to be an orator, social butterfly, or have a pretty face. Maybe it’s not just about enticing others? How about, for once, enticing yourself? How about getting intrigued by our fascinating self? How about identifying yourself, instead of running the rat race, depriving your body and soul of its desires? 

“Who am I?”, is a question I have been asking myself since a few months, ever since I realized I was nearing an emotional dead-end. My body was tired of pleasing the world around me. Trying hard to be what I do not want to be, was draining me. The body craving to be itself, the soul bent with the burden of expectations of the society, my heart was sinking. That was the time I had forgotten about myself. My existence was for others around me. Trust me, I failed miserably in pleasing others. Trying 200%, and still loosing on all grounds. Disheartened and lonely. In a eureka moment, I took the hairpin bent. My heart suddenly woke up, groggy eyed. It couldn't connect with my mind. So couldn't my mind. Many weeks were spent to a total disconnect. A disregarded body and neglected soul needed nurturing. A nourishment of sorts, a patronage which could be provided by my own mind. So I began. My family and my diary are my best friends (ofcourse my books are my soulmates). 

To nurture my own self, is worshiping the Lord, for he created us not to be dumped. We are his form, his children. Nurturing your body, mind and soul is like worshipping the Lord almighty. In this process of self realization, a friend of mine helped me identify, that I am an introvert by birth. She helped me nurture this untapped part of my behavior. I realized I love to be quiet, in solitude, and I love spending time with myself. I am more of listener. I speak less, even though I have my own viewpoints. It was hard to chew. Boast alert - I have been a cabinet minister in school, one of the popular ones in college, a very social and affable colleague part of CSR initiatives, and fun clubs at work. Introvert? Nah!! And then I read “Quiet” by Susan Cain. Introvert isn't being shy after all. I match 90% traits with the introvert psychology type.

Here, I list down 5 things which flutter my quiet heart, for these, I will skip my meals, and go sleepless. For these neither I get tired, nor fretful.  These makes me content and at peace with myself. These give my solitude loving self, respite from the pressures of expectations.

Sleep, read books, watch talk shows or follow music - 
When I want to.

We, the lowly human bind ourselves by constraints - of time, of pressure, of money. With the multitude of responsibilities which we bear, we find it hard to find time for ourselves. I tried listening to my heart. I nurture it like my baby. When it says its time for some read, I obey. Like it is now. And if it says, let  the music begin, so I begin. Simple obedience flutters my heart, and it chuckles like a baby. I satiate my brain by absorbing information, as much as I wish to. 

Cooking - learning new techniques.

This, in me, is a newly found heart-flutter ignition. I love to cook, and discover new ways to cooking, learning on the go. It is by sheer coincidence, that I share this penchant with my husband and by son. All cookery shows, and the cooking experiments are always a hit at my home. This point is a group nurturing event. We nurture each other - my husband, my son and myself. My heart giggles at the mere thought of freshly baked brownies, or a dal tadka. Cooking vegetables in contemporary styles, bringing about info western touch to the dishes is my favorite. As I type this, I recall the days when I used to cook for others, tried to copy recipes step by step, and fail in creating the magic. Maybe the food was tasteless, or maybe the magic was suppressed.

Guilt free time for myself, all alone

Taking long walks with myself, hitting the gym, or sitting on the small Stockholm city beaches - they were luxuries for me. Not anymore. I own my time. I nurture my body and soul. It is my duty to spare moments of togetherness with myself, just like it do it with my family, and friends. I eliminated the guilt. Trust me, it wasn't easy. It is an art, someday I will be able to decipher how and when I learnt it. I have moulded my mind to be carefree. To bear no pressures from the society, whatsoever. 

Socialize and communicate with whom, how and when I want to.

The fact that I identify myself as an introvert, clarifies that it is not a disorder that I get bored easily, and I have less content to talk, but tons to write. Chatting is the easiest mode of communication for me. (whatsapp is a blessing for me, long live the app). The decision says - I cannot be the best, for I am not god. Majority of the pie will not like me. So my task is to identify to whom I matter. And once that is done, it gets easy.

Demarcating Yes and No

A yes, when your heart says a no, is poison. You loose oxygen when your heart and mind run in opposite directions. My manager made me ponder when, where and how to say a yes, and when, very promptly, say a no. I hope he doesn't regret his teachings, for I say the most “NOs” to him. He nurtured this in me. I tally my mind with my heart, and at both professional and personal level, I decide my take. 

Nurturing myself is bringing me much needed peace. I now realize how parched I was, like a caked piece of land. The saplings are in place, they will grow. And one day, they will provide shade to others who will be thirsty, reaching a dead-end. And the shade will nurture them back to their real self. 

This post is written as the seventeenth in the series of AtoZ challenge and a part of #1000speak
My theme is "Compassion" and today's thought is based on

Visit my fellow bloggers to read more about #1000speak and #AtoZchallenge posts

Roshni who blogs at Indian American Mom 

Roshan who blogs at God years
Jen who blogs at driftwood-gardens

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